Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Success in Mediocrity

since the unofficial etsy newsletter, "etsy unsuccess" has been unsuccessful in launching~which is what makes unsuccess a success in an opposite day on planet bizarro kind of way, sort of~ I am posting this on my blog until the newsletter is out circulating spreading unsuccessful tips to the masses.

after you have alienated yourself from your friends and family through your relentless tweeting and your super annoying facebook posts, you will find you have a lot more free time to focus on expanding your creative horizons, largely due to the fact everyone hates you now and is sick of your felted foxes wearing cowls and fingerless gloves.

Use the time of being alone and ostracized (like when you were in high school, remember?) to create new ways to achieve greatness in mediocrity.

what mediocrity can do for you...

painting a soup can, applying a decal and pink glitter, got me on etsy's front page within 48 hours of listing it and the can sold to a lovely lovely overseas buyer.

and remember kiddies, do not quit your day job.

more unsuccessful advice thus proving the power of mediocrity in the hand made market place:



Monday, August 30, 2010

Finally a successful blog review


my mooching stuff for my blog review has been a success, and FREE hot sauce packets from taco bell were donated for review.

so i took the kiddlings out for .99c value meal tacos and we bought 8 of them

and they only gave us 7 hot sauce packets, which was pretty unprofessional and lazy of them

so i saunter up to the counter and say, i need more hot sauce packets

and the taco bell girl says, how many do you need?

and i say 15

and she says, you need that many?

and i said, yes now give them to me because i am a valued paying customer

and she hands me a handful and she is all like, whatever!

and i am all like, make a run for the border!

and she is all like, talk to the hand!

and i am all like, yo quiero taco bell!

and she is all like, oh no you di'int!

and i am all like. oh yes i di'id!

and the guy in line behind me pipers in and says, hey unless you two girlies are going to get naked and have an all girl wrestling smack down in a kiddie pool of refried beans, you need to hurry this along because i havent got all day

so i grabbed my FREE hot sauce packets and went home

Hot Sauce Packet Review:

packets of hot sauce from taco bell, are hot saucy, taco belly and packety.

and for the record I am not the kind of girl who naked wrestles in a kiddie pool filled with anything less than cream corn, can you believe that guy?

Buttered Toast Epic Fail Blog Review

yet another failed blog attempt at mooching free stuff to review.

so in my endeavor to fulfill my buttered toast review promise, i sauntered on over to my neighbors house and knock on her door, and her 80 year old cat loving self cracks it open and says, what do you want?

and i say, I need your butter for my toast for a blog review.

and she says, arent you the girl from across the street who shoots potatoes at me?

and i say no

and she says, i think you are

and i say, you think wrong because you are old and senile and probably have rabies from your cats biting you

and she says, you will never get my butter, never, and slams her door

and i yell, well you'll need the butter for all the potatoes im going to shoot at you! then i spray painted her garage door "cat, the other white meat".

there will be no buttered toast blog review today, which is just as well because the butter probably has fur in it and smells like kitty pee.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Blog Review

so i have cooked 2 microwave burritos

and im out of sour cream, ~i know right?

so i go to my neighbor and say, hey im doing a blog review on your sour cream and you need to give it to me

and he says, no

and i said, um yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hello, blog review, duh

and he said, get off my porch

and i said, look buddy, if you dont give me your sour cream im going to point my potato launcher at your house instead of at the crazy 80 year old lady's house with lots of cats.

and he said, at least *I* have sour cream for my potatoes

and i said, touche you bastidd, then the police escorted me home (as usual)

so i put ketchup on my burritos

it was ketchupy

tomorrow i blog review butter

i like toast and i need butter, so i will ask the crazy old lady with a lot of cats for some. she is too old to remember i shoot at her with a potato launcher.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Lullaby for Amy

Sweetest songs to help you dream
so you can make the sparkly butt cream

Close your eyes and rest your head
I like egg salad on sour dough bread

Beauty sleep you stunning looker
also known as a soap cooker

Fluff your pillow Snuggle your cover
Shorty is an eenie meenie miny mo lover

Caviar dreams and champagne wishes
I forgot to do the dishes

Lullaby and nighty night
train wrecks end in big cat fights

I hope your sleeping because of these words
the only thing i can think of to rhyme is turds

Thanks for the laughter you add forum sparkle
if you want to save a thread just put your markle

Go to your warm bed darling Amy
Id write more but i have to go pee

Bomo Bob will sing this for you in the tune of any Barry Manilow song. He says he doesn't know any but that is a big fat lie.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010